Monday, June 14, 2010

Inner child

So what do I do when I want to know how to do something? I look it up. I do research. Google, the library, the whole bit. And when I knew I needed help getting my house in order I got online. There Was flylady (whose principle of a clean sink I just really got the other day) but I preferred the inner child lady. My messes are very much tied to an inner child because the adult in me is very organized. This is the dichotomy I've been living with because at work or school I can be super organized but the house is a mess. And it boils down to this rotten spoiled inner child of mine. This is not sweet cute anjel, this is a brat. She doesn't like to brush her teeth, take a bath or do dishes. She loooooves TV. I want to get to know her so I can get on her ass and get off the girls so hard. I have to set abetted example. I realize now I was a young mother even though I thought I was grown and old enough. If my family would have worked I think I would have done ok, but the split messed me all up. I'm literally stillllll rebuilding from that, still a few scuff marks. Or maybe I just keep falling myself. It doesn't hurt anymore, that burn I thought would keep low embers have completely cooled and all that remains are ashes in a pile waiting for the wind to blow them away.
Awww getting poetic and stuff. ;)
I'm feeling romantic though, reflective. Romantic in the true sense, not amorous.
So inner child stuff and still nailbiting after all these years I still wonder if I should "see someone" or is that all just bullshit. Like what if whatever is in my subconscious that makes me bite my nails needs to stay buried and fretted over subconsciously. Or does getting it out make it better? Does it??? I don't think these fuckers have a clue and just put you on meds. I wonder if therapists qualify as psychiatrists with ability to prescribe or if they refer. All America is on something or the other I think.

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